Blog

By Darla Pompilio, (610) 847 5422, Your Tasks, Our Time

Do you have a parent or senior in your life that could benefit from downsizing their home but
you’re not sure how to approach the discussion? The topic of downsizing can be a difficult for
some. They may have to part with items that have memories attached. Or it may make them
feel like they are losing a piece of themselves. Below are some key aspects to ensure you have a
supportive and respectful discussion with the seniors in your life.

Before You Begin the Conversation

Before you start the conversation with your loved one, keep a few things in mind.

Be Respectful and Non-Judgmental

A Senior’s possessions represent a lifetime of memories. Dismissing their value as worthless is
equal to dismissing the senior’s value.

Don’t Lecture

Most seniors will respond well if you share your concerns and express your desire for them to
be in a safe and comfortable environment. It’s not about forcing them to get rid of things, it’s
about helping them to live their best life.

How to Begin the Conversation

How you start the conversation, and the tone you use, can impact the discussion either positively or negatively.  Come from a place of support and love so they understand your desire to help them. Below is a list of questions you can use to get the conversation started.

Open-ended questions will be better to gain more information.  

• How are you doing/feeling?
• What’s going on in your life?
• Are you struggling to maneuver in your space? 
• Are you able to easily find things that you need or want?
• Are you comfortable with how the space looks or feels?
• What would make you more comfortable?
• Do you need help?
• How can I help?

During the Conversation

Getting the conversation started is a step in the right direction.  Keeping the conversation going in a positive direction is just as important. Remember these key points as you progress through your discussion.

Simply Listen

This is probably the most important step in the process. When seniors let go of their possessions, it often feels like a loss of control. By listening to their wants, needs and desires, you’re helping to ensure that they are maintaining control. 

Ask Questions

Allowing seniors to tell stories about the past as you sort through their possessions can help ease some of the anxiety during the process of letting go.

Pick Your Battles

Arguing over every item is going to end with lots of hurt feelings and no progress. Letting go takes practice and patience. Keep reminding your loved one of the ultimate goal … for them to live their best life.  It will get easier as they become more comfortable with letting go.

This process won’t be done overnight.  It’s not uncommon to go through an entire home 2 to 3 times to achieve the desired goals.  So be kind.  Be patient.  And remember, you may be in a similar situation yourself in the future.

Part of being organized is organizing your time and schedule.

That can look like many things: maintaining a written planner, using and sharing an online calendar, time blocking, scheduling appointments as well as daily tasks, or creating a timeline for big events. And, while creating a timeline is a great way to keep track of any project or event that you are planning, it is a most valuable asset in managing a move. 

Why is a timeline so vital to the relocation process?

Moving is uncomfortable and inconvenient at best, and downright exasperating and stressful at its worst. This is due to the infrequency and unpredictability of the process.

This isn’t an undertaking the average person practices over and over again throughout the year. We don’t move to a new home every week! Therefore, we don’t get the opportunity to hone and streamline each step of the process. And, even if we do sharpen our skills, there are some factors that just cannot be foreseen. Housing deals fall through, moving trucks get delayed, people in our lives have emergencies that need to be handled. Making a timeline cannot change these unexpected delays but it can put us in control of how to manage them and that’s what being organized is all about – being prepared.

Whether you are moving next year or this summer, it is never too late to create a timeline for your move.

Here are three simple steps to get you started:

1. Make a List. Write down everything you can think of that you will need to get done before moving day. For example: 
   • Interview and hire professionals for assistance: a realtor, organizer, stager, movers, pack/unpack team (do this early – moving seasons get hectic and you won’t have many choices if you wait for the last minute)
   • Declutter and stage the house 
   • Pack  (if you plan on doing this yourself)
   • Give notice to landscapers, schools, clubs, jobs
   • Change address with the Post Office
   • Notify utility companies
   • Plan for travel (don’t forget your pets!)
   • Plan for child and pet care
   • Take a day or two to keep adding tasks to your list as you think of them.
2. Pull out a Calendar. You may want to have a calendar or planner devoted just to this. If you use a digital calendar, make your moving agenda a separate color so that it stands out. Check it weekly, and daily as your move date gets closer.
   • Begin by filling in all fixed dates. Fill in your timeline with things that are certain. Do you have to close on your new or current house by a specific deadline? Are you starting a new job on a specific date?
   • Add in the rest. Once your fixed dates are filled in, go to your list (see step 1) and add in ALL the items. If you have more time, you can simply assign them to a certain week on your timeline. If you’re on a time-crunch, be more date-specific so that you can insure that nothing slips through the cracks.
   • Details. Add details such as contact names, phone numbers and email addresses to your timeline. Include contacts for schools, movers, realtors, stagers and organizers. Adding these details to your timeline will help by keeping all your essential move details in one convenient location.
3. Overestimate. If you haven’t moved in a while, estimate the amount of time you will need to pack and double it. This is a time-consuming process.
   • If you are packing yourself make sure you order your supplies at least one week in advance of starting.
   • Allow several weeks for packing.
   • Packing paper is something that you can overestimate with as well. It is frustrating to keep running out for more supplies once you’ve hit your packing groove.

A moving timeline may seem like extra work for your move right now, but the small bit of time taken to set up this management tool will support you throughout the process and keep you in the driver’s seat.

As an auction professional, I regularly have the opportunity to work with Professional Organizers and Senior Move Managers. These professionals provide a wonderful service helping client’s de-clutter their homes for a variety of reasons including preparation for sale, down-sizing & moving to a smaller living space or simply organizing their lives.

During the de-cluttering process, there is often a need to sell personal property and in some cases a great deal of property. Since auctions are a simple, efficient and often productive approach to selling, we can often help the same client. This is the wonderful connection between us.

Developing a Passion

I developed a passion for auctions as a child from my father. He loved auctions and would take me on his Saturday auction adventures to pretend he was helping my mother. He loved to buy at auction and mom did not appreciate clutter, so you can imagine the action at our home.

These auctions often had big crowds of people and enthusiastic bidding. It was exciting! I would hear energized bidders looking for a bargain. However, I was attracted to selling at auction as the price just went one direction. I have not come across another business negotiation where the price only goes higher. I loved the excitement of the auction environment as a child and still do today. However, the environment has changed.

Where is Everbody? Where are the Bidders?

I have heard these questions in recent years as we help clients looking to sell their property. A great many of these clients were at auctions forty, fifty or more years ago buying much of their art, furniture, antiques, decorative items and collections. They would often spend an entire day at the auction and there would be hundreds of people in attendance. They would see friends and enjoy the camaraderie.

I was reminded of the feeling when recently watching an old movie “North by Northwest”. There is a fascinating auction scene Alfred Hitchcock used in the story line. It showed bidding and activity at a high end auction over fifty years ago. The auction gallery was filled. People were sitting in every available seat and others were standing. There were no large screens displaying the auction item and no bidding by telephone or internet. There were no computers supporting the auction process at all. What a major difference!

Large screens, phone bidding and internet platforms have expanded the range and number of bidders dramatically. However, it does not look like it to auction buyers from many years ago turned into auction sellers as their lives have changed.

The Environment has Changed ….

When asked where is everybody? Where are the bidders? I point out the number of ways the auctioneer is accepting bids beyond those from the smaller than they expected bidders attending in person.

I look toward the computers handing the bidding for each of the multiple
internet bidding platforms and explain each computer represents far more bidders than when you purchased in the crowded auctions many years ago. I look toward the staff members handling phone bidding and point out those strong bidders as well. There are also bids left with the office and on our web-site. I explain there is a larger geographic area represented and there are bidders watching the auction from not only our region but from the entire United States and around the world. I point out they have been able to see each item in a gallery of pictures for a month before the auction.

…and it is still Exciting!

Once the auctioneer starts taking bids from the bidders in all these different ways (including from bidders in person like Alfred Hitchcock portrayed), it begins to make sense. Bidding at auction is even more exciting as it comes in so many ways from so many places!

It’s hard to think about how to start the downsizing process. There’s so much wrapped up in our treasures: difficult emotions, unmet dreams, things we haven’t finished, bad decisions etc. Change is hard and a next life transition might not always be our choice. Despite all the emotions, it can be a freeing and rewarding experience to let go of those things that fill up our time and space.

Here are some things to think about when planning to downsize:

1. Start as early as you can, as early as when downsizing is just an idea. You want to be involved in the process, and it’s easier to think clearly when you don’t have other pressures at the same time.
2. Schedule an appointment with yourself once or twice a week, every week, the same time and day to go through your belongings. Do not expect to work 8 hours on this, it is exhausting work. Plan for smaller blocks of time on a regular frequency.
3. Get help! Maybe a friend who is going through the same transition, you can be accountability partners to each other laugh and cry together. It’s good to involve your kids but be aware that doing this with your kids or your spouse (who might be in denial) can be really challenging. Sometimes it’s better to start yourself on the things that you have purview over.
4. If your moving or selling your house, keep in mind that your house will sell for more money and faster to sell if it is clutter free.

Wondering where to start?

1. Remove the trash, broken items, things you know you don’t want (we call it cherry picking the easy stuff).
2. The garage is key because you will use it as a marshaling area for trash, recycling, donations, and giveaway.
3. Local recycling events are good to use for deadlines. More difficult things to get rid of are chemicals, electronics, medications, shredding, use these events to your advantage.
4. It’s good to stage those things that belong to others somewhere to make it easier to return. Near the door or in your car trunk. Call them, give them a deadline. You are not the world’s storage unit.
5. Things your saving for the kids need to be resolved. It’s not your responsibility to be their storage unit. If they want it they will come and pick up what they want, fine, if they don’t want it, let it go.
6. For some reason, books are always a sensitive area for those who love them. Separately, those who love books, almost always have a lot of them. Some questions to consider:
   • Do I need to keep those books I’ve read, or will never read again?
   • Do I use old cookbooks, or can I pass them down to someone else?
7. Holiday items, how much do you need a tree? Is that something you can either stop putting up or perhaps pass down.
8. Things that will not fit into your new life, will you be doing a ton of cooking or entertaining if not, move on your large pots and turkey roasters.
9. If your spouse is reluctant, start on what you can do without their input (respectfully please) your clothes, your books and other things that you are responsible for.

In the end,  you want to feel good about your decisions and be a part of the process so that you can rest easy into this next chapter.

You’re packing to move and you can’t believe you own this much.

“Where did all this stuff come from anyway? How did it all fit in here in the first place? I can’t believe how long this is taking and how many boxes we have! AAAaahhhh!!!!”

Well, it’s true. When we pull everything out of its storage space, we can see the volume of what we really have. And, for those things that haven’t been seen or touched in years: much of it is astonishing.

“Cans of hairspray? Wait. I haven’t bought hairspray in a can in at least 2…uh, 5…oh, I don’t know – better throw that out. How did these shoes get back here? Man, they’re dusty. And sort of misshapen. Well, okay very misshapen. Nevermind. Out! And, wait. Do we really have 6 new containers of black pepper? Six? I had no idea. This will last us forever!”

NOW is your chance!

You are moving into a new home. Whether larger or smaller than your last, it’s an opportunity to get organized – right from the start! Here are 6 spaces to set up when you move in so you can get and stay organized:

Spice Storage: There are so many options for organizing spices that there is really no reason you need to fight to find what you need, have bottles and jars falling out onto you as you reach behind, or repurchase multiples of what you already have. 

• Sterline Cabinet Turntable – not your average space-hogging Lazy Susan. I use it in my own kitchen!
• Mountable Spice Rack – let’s you utilize wall space or the inside of a cabinet door.
• Rev-A-Shelf Spice-Drawer Insert – if you have the drawer space, this is a convenient and user-friendly idea.

Pantry: DIY or go the extra mile and get pro-installation. A pantry organizing system will be a delight to your family today and a great selling point tomorrow.

• Shelf Genie – products that are made to fit, professionally installed and guaranteed to last.
• Container Store Solutions – want to avoid adding anything permanent? Shelf bins and door racks can do the trick.

Under Sinks: Either in the kitchen or bathrooms, under sink storage will make ALL the difference. Enjoy the control and say goodbye to yucky under-sink messes!

• Pull Out Drawer Solution – install a shelf that can slide out to reach what’s in the back.
• Small Totes or Baskets – Simply use a basket or two to catch your under-sink supplies.

Shoes: The struggle is real. First decide where you want to store them (By the entryway? In a closet? Under the bed? In the garage?) Then, reign them in.

• Container Store Stackable Shoe Shelves – perfect for inside a closet.
• Target Standing Shoe Rack – a little overwhelming for a bedroom but a great for solution for garage entryway.
• Amazon Shoe Space Savers – these little devises will cut your need for space in half!

Bedroom Closets: If you are renting a home, you may want to save money and purchase some temporary solutions that you can take with you when you move out. For homeowners, installing built-ins is the way to go.

• Closets By Design – Go for it and get it done right!
• Temporary & Portable Solutions – Not ready to commit? Try something less permanent.

Storage Area: Before you go building columns and walls of heavy boxes stacked one atop another; stop and think. This is what got you into the last mess of storage chaos. Is there room for some shelving? Is there ceiling or wall space to be taken advantage of?

• AtticTracPlus – quick and easy to set up. Makes attic storage usable!
• Garage Sense – Use ALL the space your garage has to offer and get things out from under your feet!
• Basement – Simple shelving will do the trick.

Make the changes and don’t look back. Move in and Move on.

Disclaimer: products in this post are in no way endorsed or sold by NAPO©

Yes, there really is such a thing as Relocation Stress Syndrome!

Relocation Stress Syndrome, or RSS, was approved as a formal diagnosis in the early 1990’s. (And here you were thinking that everyone else must be so much better at relocating and that it was just YOU who weren’t handling this very well – not true!)

You are not alone if a relocation is stressing you out or making you feel like, perhaps, you’ve lost your marbles.

Although anyone can be impacted, the elderly are at greater risk of feeling the effects of RSS. Many NAPO professionals are skilled with organizing and managing relocations and the sometimes unpleasant side-effects. Some even specialize in senior moves exclusively!

Continue here to read more from NAPO Senior Move Management expert, Susan Osborne, as she describes the symptoms and strategies for facing this not uncommon relocation affliction.